


Love Alone Is Worth The Fight

by Zoe13



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: M/M, Memories, NOcharacterdeath, attempted suicide, mentions of self harm, suicidepreventionday
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-11
Updated: 2014-09-11
Packaged: 2018-02-16 23:08:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2287886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zoe13/pseuds/Zoe13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>But most of all he remembers remembering Luke. When his body was still struggling to live but his mind was shutting down he remembered Luke and felt regret.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love Alone Is Worth The Fight

**Author's Note:**

> Today is Worldwide Suicide Prevention Day. This story is made in honor of it and while it IS just a story, I hope it will open people's eyes to the messiness and the dark side of suicide. Don't paint it in a romantic light. It is not dramatic. It is not easy. And it is not the answer. 
> 
> I also hope this story is in no way a trigger for anyone who reads it. 
> 
> Title is from Switchfoot's song by the same name.

Michael remembers that the pain was different. He couldn't control it anymore and it felt as if it were spreading. He remembers the cold, how his body shook and his skin was clammy, how he was sweating, his curled fingers sliding together. He remembers his body growing numb, how he couldn't speak, how he couldn't move. How his heart had slowed and his breaths become short. He had felt panic rising at his loss of control. He remembers the warm trickle of blood and the coppery scent in the air that turned his stomach even after all the times he'd smelt it. He remembers the despair, the anger, the hate.

But most of all he remembers remembering Luke. When his body was still struggling to live but his mind was shutting down he remembered Luke and felt regret. He felt regret because he would be missing out on many conversations with Luke, many moments with Luke.

He remembers thinking that maybe if he hadn't made this decision he would have made Luke smile a thousand times, made him laugh a million. Maybe he would have seen him speaking to crowds with passion in his eyes as he talked about them, their music, anything. Maybe he would have seen the gentle look on his face as he spoke with children or the concern and sadness in his eyes when he reassured their fans with depression. The ones like Michael. 

Maybe Michael would have told Luke he loved him. And maybe, just maybe Luke would have said it back.

He remembers that thinking about Luke repainted the world, took the oils and made them watercolors until he could see the good along with the bad, how he suddenly didn't want to leave Calum and Ashton and all of their fans. He didn't want to leave behind their music. How he wanted to see the sky again and feel the grass and be hot in summer and cold in winter, to feel pain and happiness, to love and hate, to sing and shout and _do something with the world_ because he wanted to change how people felt when they ended up like him. 

He remembers realizing that he was still on that bathroom floor, the life leaking out of him. And he remembers the life that flooded his limbs, that last burst of energy he used to make that one call.

He didn't call 911, he called Luke. Luke called 911. Luke came and found him. 

He remembers that he hadn't even explained to Luke on the phone, realizes that Luke must have thought he'd had an accident. He remembers Luke crying and he remembers hearing him say _Michael_ and _please_ and _don't do this to me_ and he remembers thinking _I won't_. _I will not die today_. 

He definitely remembers an _I love you_ in there.

He remembers waking up, how it hurt and he was glad that it did because he was _alive_. He remembers his three best friends sitting next to him looking tired and scared and worried. He remembers explaining and healing and getting help, how he had his best friends with him while he recovered, while he got better. It was hard, it took a while, but he did it. 

He remembers making Luke smile and laugh, he remembers seeing Luke with that passion in his eyes when they went back on tour after Michael was doing better. He saw Luke with that gentleness and that concern and sadness. He remembers telling Luke he loved him and how he _did_ say it back. How he still says it back. 

He remembers the first time he thought _I love myself_ and how he knew it wasn't arrogant because he should. Because there are good things and bad things about everyone and he finally discovered the good in himself. 

He remembers all of that and he is grateful for so much. And he hopes that many more people will make the decision that he did. The decision to try and live. 

**Author's Note:**

> If any of you ever needs someone to talk to, let me know. I will find a way, even if it's something odd like messaging on tumblr or twitter. I will talk to you about anything and I swear I do not judge. I've been through this myself and I still struggle with these sort of problems. I may not have gone through exactly what you may have but I will listen.


End file.
